Saturday, December 9: “I’m Pregnant”

She hadn’t been going to her classes or coming to work. In the midst of a busy semester, I noticed but hadn’t reached out—always another important item to cross off the to do list. When I saw her name on my calendar I was relieved. She’s coming, finally, to explain herself, I thought. I was prepared to talk to her about responsibility, follow through, graduation.

When she told me, we sat in silence for awhile. I had at my fingertips a long list of resources that could help her, but somehow I also knew that wasn’t why she was coming to my office.

“Are you disappointed in me?” she asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Not at all,” I said, and left it at that.

“The father is not in the picture, and I don’t want to have an abortion. That much I know. But nothing else yet, like if I want to keep it, or give it up.” She paused for a moment. “I know what I know because I spent a couple days doing nothing but listening. I’m not even sure what I was listening for.”

“Keep listening,” I said.

“Really?”

“Yes. Whatever happens next, if you keep listening, you will do the best thing for yourself and the baby.”

“Oh yes,” she said. Her entire body relaxed, her clenched hands opening, resting finally on her knees. “Yes, that’s exactly what I needed to hear.”

When she walked out of my office, I realized I hadn’t followed protocol, completed any referrals. But I also realized I had built trust—she would be back. There would be time for that later.

I have made plenty of mistakes during those sacred conversations in my office. And, I will no doubt make many more before I retire.

But this time, I got it right. I gave her the gift she, and all of us, need most: to be told that her most sacred responsibility is to listen to her own soul.