Tracy Chapman's "At This Point in My Life"

There is also, of course, the question of what music to play during the ceremony. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think Tracy Chapman's "At This Point in my Life" would be the perfect walk-down-the-aisle song.

"Done so many things wrong, I don't know if I can do right
I've done so many things wrong, I don't know if I can do right"

I feel as if T and I began this way; recounting or reliving mistakes from the past, trying to figure out what we needed to account for, and what we needed to forgive others for. The conversations we had the first summer we met, when we were "just" friends, focused on these topics--and since then, we've accumulated 1,001 more mistakes with each other. Relationships aren't easy.

"At this point in my life
I've done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
If you put your trust in me I hope I won't let you down
If you give me a chance I'll try"

Ultimately, we both had to believe that the other wanted to reach out past those past and current mistakes and connect, even if difficult.

"You see it's been a hard road the road I'm traveling on
And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to ruin
I've had a hard life I'm just saying it so you'll understand
That right now, right now, I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life"

We both came from hard lives--hers a secret, unnamed pain, my pain wide open--the grief of loss coloring every decade of my life. It is hard to love and trust after such loss. It seems almost impossible that we've managed it so far--and even more impossible that we are willing to keep going.

"At this point in my life
Although I've mostly walked in the shadows
I'm still searching for the light
Won't you put your faith in me
We both know that's what matters
If you give me a chance I'll try"

We have worked so hard to find the light--to live within it. We have worked so hard to keep our hearts open, to study the spiritual teachings that move us, to pay attention, deep attention, to each other and the world. But there are dark days, weeks, even, when we have to remember to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

You see I've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down
I've been reaching high always losing ground
You see I've been reaching high but always losing ground
You see I've conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb
And right now right now I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life"

We have so far to go to make our Healing Ranch dream happen--and sometimes even to get to the next day seems impossible.

"Before we take a step
Before we walk down that path
Before I make any promises
Before you have regrets
Before we talk commitment
Let me tell you of my past
All I've seen and all I've done
The things I'd like to forget
At this point in my life"

And so we have--told it all, relived it together, held each other through that grief. We know what we're up against.

"At this point in my life
I'd like to live as if only love mattered
As if redemption was in sight
As if the search to live honestly
Is all that anyone needs
No matter if you find it"

That is all we've wanted all along--to find a way to live honestly with each other and within the world. We know it's the first step toward enacting justice.

"You see when I've touched the sky
The earth's gravity has pulled me down
But now I've reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly
If you can believe in this heart of mine
If you can give it a try
Then I'll reach inside and find and give you
All the sweetness that I have
At this point in my life

At this point in my life"

Even if we don't decide to use it, I love this song. Absolutely love it.

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