Hello Again
It doesn't seem possible that it's been three months since I last posted here. We didn't have e-mail access for awhile, due to a virus I ultimately decided not to bother to fix, having spent way too much money on an old computer.
I bought a laptop I couldn't really afford, finally, last week. It was nice not having a computer at home in many ways. I read a lot more. S and I argued a lot less. I was able to leave work at work more often (though I also ended up at work until 2 or 3 in the morning far too many times, rather than having the luxury of working from home when things absolutely have to be done).
To actually catch up whoever is reading this on what's happened in the last three months seems rather pointless...and so, in lieu of doing so, I'll make a list of lists.
Things I'm Excited About This Summer
--Having more time to write, read, and spend with S and with friends (I only work half-time in the summer, starting June 1)
--Taking a retreat (hopefully next week)
--Taking some time to reflect on what the office I coordinate accomplished this year and make goals for next year
--Finish at least one of the four manuscripts-in-first-draft that I've been, for some reason I've been unable to even think about yet this year.
--Blogging more
Things I'm Working on Related to S's Future
--S is now hooked up with vocational rehabilitation, which means she'll have free assistance with making a post-secondary school or job plan, and taking the steps necessary to reach her goals.
--S went through a thorough neuropsych evaluation. We learned she has a non-verbal learning disability and OCD, among other new diagnoses. The non-verbal learning disability was, for me, the most useful new information. It turns out that her verbal IQ score is above average, but the other skills measured in IQ tests, memory and logical thinking skills, were below average. She has trouble, therefore, taking on and finishing big tasks, and understanding concepts that are not concrete (including non-verbal communication of any kind). Whether or not this is a result of her abuse or completely unrelated is not clear. She still has the PTSD and ADHD diagnoses, as well as a rule-out for Asperger's, meaning she may or may not have it.
--Human Services is now a fixture in our lives. A social worker is now working with me on doing a guardianship (so that I will be able to help S make decisions after she turns 18), applying for social security benefits, and getting additional testing done to determine what kinds of resources, if any, S might qualify for.
--I have pulled S out of career and math classes, after learning how little she had gotten done in either. It was so disappointing, and I felt so helpless. As a result, S now comes to campus and works with her tutor T from 12:45-2:00 every day, then goes back to school. The positive outcome of this is that S is getting so much done, and I'm seeing the potential she has to do really well academically with the right support.
--I am in the process of fighting a recent evaluation the school did that indicates S has no learning difficulties--for some reason, they insisted on doing their own evaluation rather than using the neuropsych. (Yes, it is state law that they have to do their own evaluation, but they are also permitted to use other sources--they refused in this case).
--I am also in the process of filing a complaint against the school for refusal to follow her IEP. Literally nothing in S's IEP has been followed consistently all year--it is maddening. The only reason she's doing well is because I have tutors working with her. I have written these letters but have not yet submitted them--I had literally no time to think about them and finalize them. I do now, and they will go out in the next couple weeks.
--We have a summer schedule figured out, for the most part.
Hard Stuff From the Last Three Months
--S (and I) continue to be anxious about the future, and to fight because of this anxiety. Just today I yelled at her for being lazy, and she yelled back that she's scared about the future. I need to figure out a way to stay calm even in the face of so much financial and logistical uncertainty. I have to find a way to believe we will both be OK, whether or not she qualifies for resources, whether or not I continue to get adoption support during her last year in high school. Lots of people are much worse off right now--at least I have a good job! I need to breathe!
--I talked with my supervisor about my workload. I explained that I am having difficulty paying basic bills, including child care, because I am working so many hours, and that I don't feel like I'm doing a particularly good job at any aspect of my work because I am always rushing through everything. I pointed out that I am now doing what used to be three people's jobs. She was not particularly responsive, though she did contact me a few days later via e-mail saying she'd thought about what I said and wanted to have a longer conversation about having realistic expectations. I cannot go on working as much as I have been for as little money as I make--it just isn't healthy, or sustainable, or good for S.
--We said goodbye to lots of people we love last week--though, as always, graduation made me realize how much I do really love my work and my students, and how lucky I am that I have people in my life who are hard to say goodbye to.
--The new Gay-Straight Alliance at the high school has been dealing with some oppression by both teachers and other students; a group of us who are also starting a new P-Flag chapter will be meeting with the principal this afternoon to take action.
--The Marriage Amendment will likely go on the ballot in MN next year--and while it would be easy to feel hopeless in the wake of this, I have to believe that a ballot initiative will create dialogue where dialogue did not yet exist. (That's the only "bright side" I can come up with here).
Books I Read In the Last Few Months
_The Barn at the End of the World_ by Mary Rose O'Reilley
_The Love of Impermanent Things_ by Mary Rose O'Reilley
_Bound_ by Antonia Nelson
_Extra Indians_ by Eric Gansworth
_The Girl Who Fell From the Sky_ by Heidi W. Burrow
Reading now: _Driftless_ by David Rhodes
Really Good Stuff from the Last Three Months
--S's report card was really good--the best ever, in fact--all A's and one B!
--S and I will dance together in an upcoming recital--a dance in honor of my father. It is going to be hilarious and amazing at the same time (hilarious because, well, it's us dancing, and amazing because, well, it's us dancing). It's been a lot of fun working on the dance with her.
--My students inspire me. Whether they are reminding me of my dream to start Healing Ranch, bringing their parents over to meet me during graduation week, or organizing a new group to help integrate new immigrants into the community--I am in awe. And I realized recently that I am very lucky to have the job I have, and that I can stick it out a little longer, until I am ready financially and logistically for whatever comes next.
--S has been working very hard on school work now that we've gotten her out of the resource room for those two class periods. She's capable of so much if we can keep expectations high. I feel very lucky that she has such an amazing tutor.
--A group of us are starting a local P-Flag chapter. It's a long overdue way to support families of GLBT folks--and the GLBT folks themselves.
--Church has been good for me and for S--really good. The new interim minister won't continue next year, but having that space on Sunday mornings, and experiencing both her presence and her preaching, has been a gift.
That seems good for now, anyway. By the way, I would recommend all of the books mentioned above except _Extra Indians_ (it wasn't terrible, but it also wasn't great). I would also recommend, if you have a child with special needs, taking the time when s/he is 16, rather than 17, to get to work on setting up support systems and plans for life post-18. But I refuse to beat myself up about this. Between my job and parenting S, there is so little time! Still, if I had to do it over, I would have started earlier.
And finally, I would recommend finding hope even in the most hopeless situations, because there's plenty of it out there.
I bought a laptop I couldn't really afford, finally, last week. It was nice not having a computer at home in many ways. I read a lot more. S and I argued a lot less. I was able to leave work at work more often (though I also ended up at work until 2 or 3 in the morning far too many times, rather than having the luxury of working from home when things absolutely have to be done).
To actually catch up whoever is reading this on what's happened in the last three months seems rather pointless...and so, in lieu of doing so, I'll make a list of lists.
Things I'm Excited About This Summer
--Having more time to write, read, and spend with S and with friends (I only work half-time in the summer, starting June 1)
--Taking a retreat (hopefully next week)
--Taking some time to reflect on what the office I coordinate accomplished this year and make goals for next year
--Finish at least one of the four manuscripts-in-first-draft that I've been, for some reason I've been unable to even think about yet this year.
--Blogging more
Things I'm Working on Related to S's Future
--S is now hooked up with vocational rehabilitation, which means she'll have free assistance with making a post-secondary school or job plan, and taking the steps necessary to reach her goals.
--S went through a thorough neuropsych evaluation. We learned she has a non-verbal learning disability and OCD, among other new diagnoses. The non-verbal learning disability was, for me, the most useful new information. It turns out that her verbal IQ score is above average, but the other skills measured in IQ tests, memory and logical thinking skills, were below average. She has trouble, therefore, taking on and finishing big tasks, and understanding concepts that are not concrete (including non-verbal communication of any kind). Whether or not this is a result of her abuse or completely unrelated is not clear. She still has the PTSD and ADHD diagnoses, as well as a rule-out for Asperger's, meaning she may or may not have it.
--Human Services is now a fixture in our lives. A social worker is now working with me on doing a guardianship (so that I will be able to help S make decisions after she turns 18), applying for social security benefits, and getting additional testing done to determine what kinds of resources, if any, S might qualify for.
--I have pulled S out of career and math classes, after learning how little she had gotten done in either. It was so disappointing, and I felt so helpless. As a result, S now comes to campus and works with her tutor T from 12:45-2:00 every day, then goes back to school. The positive outcome of this is that S is getting so much done, and I'm seeing the potential she has to do really well academically with the right support.
--I am in the process of fighting a recent evaluation the school did that indicates S has no learning difficulties--for some reason, they insisted on doing their own evaluation rather than using the neuropsych. (Yes, it is state law that they have to do their own evaluation, but they are also permitted to use other sources--they refused in this case).
--I am also in the process of filing a complaint against the school for refusal to follow her IEP. Literally nothing in S's IEP has been followed consistently all year--it is maddening. The only reason she's doing well is because I have tutors working with her. I have written these letters but have not yet submitted them--I had literally no time to think about them and finalize them. I do now, and they will go out in the next couple weeks.
--We have a summer schedule figured out, for the most part.
Hard Stuff From the Last Three Months
--S (and I) continue to be anxious about the future, and to fight because of this anxiety. Just today I yelled at her for being lazy, and she yelled back that she's scared about the future. I need to figure out a way to stay calm even in the face of so much financial and logistical uncertainty. I have to find a way to believe we will both be OK, whether or not she qualifies for resources, whether or not I continue to get adoption support during her last year in high school. Lots of people are much worse off right now--at least I have a good job! I need to breathe!
--I talked with my supervisor about my workload. I explained that I am having difficulty paying basic bills, including child care, because I am working so many hours, and that I don't feel like I'm doing a particularly good job at any aspect of my work because I am always rushing through everything. I pointed out that I am now doing what used to be three people's jobs. She was not particularly responsive, though she did contact me a few days later via e-mail saying she'd thought about what I said and wanted to have a longer conversation about having realistic expectations. I cannot go on working as much as I have been for as little money as I make--it just isn't healthy, or sustainable, or good for S.
--We said goodbye to lots of people we love last week--though, as always, graduation made me realize how much I do really love my work and my students, and how lucky I am that I have people in my life who are hard to say goodbye to.
--The new Gay-Straight Alliance at the high school has been dealing with some oppression by both teachers and other students; a group of us who are also starting a new P-Flag chapter will be meeting with the principal this afternoon to take action.
--The Marriage Amendment will likely go on the ballot in MN next year--and while it would be easy to feel hopeless in the wake of this, I have to believe that a ballot initiative will create dialogue where dialogue did not yet exist. (That's the only "bright side" I can come up with here).
Books I Read In the Last Few Months
_The Barn at the End of the World_ by Mary Rose O'Reilley
_The Love of Impermanent Things_ by Mary Rose O'Reilley
_Bound_ by Antonia Nelson
_Extra Indians_ by Eric Gansworth
_The Girl Who Fell From the Sky_ by Heidi W. Burrow
Reading now: _Driftless_ by David Rhodes
Really Good Stuff from the Last Three Months
--S's report card was really good--the best ever, in fact--all A's and one B!
--S and I will dance together in an upcoming recital--a dance in honor of my father. It is going to be hilarious and amazing at the same time (hilarious because, well, it's us dancing, and amazing because, well, it's us dancing). It's been a lot of fun working on the dance with her.
--My students inspire me. Whether they are reminding me of my dream to start Healing Ranch, bringing their parents over to meet me during graduation week, or organizing a new group to help integrate new immigrants into the community--I am in awe. And I realized recently that I am very lucky to have the job I have, and that I can stick it out a little longer, until I am ready financially and logistically for whatever comes next.
--S has been working very hard on school work now that we've gotten her out of the resource room for those two class periods. She's capable of so much if we can keep expectations high. I feel very lucky that she has such an amazing tutor.
--A group of us are starting a local P-Flag chapter. It's a long overdue way to support families of GLBT folks--and the GLBT folks themselves.
--Church has been good for me and for S--really good. The new interim minister won't continue next year, but having that space on Sunday mornings, and experiencing both her presence and her preaching, has been a gift.
That seems good for now, anyway. By the way, I would recommend all of the books mentioned above except _Extra Indians_ (it wasn't terrible, but it also wasn't great). I would also recommend, if you have a child with special needs, taking the time when s/he is 16, rather than 17, to get to work on setting up support systems and plans for life post-18. But I refuse to beat myself up about this. Between my job and parenting S, there is so little time! Still, if I had to do it over, I would have started earlier.
And finally, I would recommend finding hope even in the most hopeless situations, because there's plenty of it out there.
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