Shifting
It has been a strangely beautiful and poignant 20 or so days since I wrote the last entry. After S and I wept and talked on the couch that day, after J and I exchanged those e-mails about the NPR story she had sent me, something in me began to shift. I was suddenly stronger, no longer relying on J or S or anyone else to carry me, as I had been, I realized, for much of this semester, maybe even this year. I have been feeling stronger and more able to really enjoy each moment for what it is. Thanksgiving weekend was wonderful; S and I reconnected and spent a lot of time cuddling and talking. We got a gigantic Christmas tree that I couldn't really afford and a beautiful wreath for the front of our house and we spent all weekend decorating and admiring it. It tipped over multiple times, three of S's favorite ornaments broke, there were tears that dissipated into S saying, "But at least I have beautiful things now that are mine, even if sometimes they have to break." And t...