Writing, Parenting, and Working in the Mess: Authentic Spirituality and Social Justice

It has been a rough day, but a good one, too. It started with a meeting with S's new case manager. I have always liked her as a person, but I was admittedly worried about Lisa being moved to her room; she's a bit flaky (based on some interactions we've had in the community not related to our jobs), and her room always feels chaotic and loud. But, S loves her, and so, in that sense, I think it will be a good fit. Also, she's not contentious or manipulative or likely to evangelize. I am glad I had my retreat in June; I think I worked out most of my anger at the schools there, but there was some residual stuff left over, because I began to dread this meeting, really dread it, and as usual, I went in with a two page agenda, prepared for a fight. And she started the conversation by putting a file on the table labeled "communication file," which was very thick, and saying to me, "How can we avoid this? Because I don't want to do this." I agreed, and we...

S is working through abuse memories hard core these days. The ballet obsession is still there, though a bit quieter; she still seems to think that if she can get on pointe, she'll somehow be able to move forward with her life, though she's also aware, in her saner moments, that this is not reality. She's also reexperiencing the loss of her favorite horse, Honey. J, her college buddy, told her recently that Honey would want her to keep riding, to keep loving horses--and she will, and does. Still, her intense love for J's horse Jazz, for our dog and cat--it also scares her, because she remembers how, not so long ago, she'd loved a horse that died, suddenly. And, before that, she'd loved many animals that were tortured and killed in her biological home. She couldn't save them, just like she couldn't stop her abusers from abusing her when she was wearing a leotard and tights--or at any other time, for that matter. Recently, while being punished for refusing ...

It will likely take weeks to feel as if I've made sense of everything that happened while I was in Ohio for the last two weeks. There was so much deep joy and deep sadness contained in the days I was there, so much worry and so much healing. It is overwhelming, really. My father's health and financial situations are so confusing that it makes little sense to explain them here. Suffice to say that my father will have to make some difficult decisions about his health care, and I will have to either accept or try to intervene in some financial decisions he is making; I've not yet decided which strategy to take. But, he was in good spirits, and very willing to do all he could on his own; he seemed to get better before my eyes. When we arrived, he could barely walk--but the time we left, he was walking without much difficulty with a cane. There are concerns about more tumors; he'll have to decide whether to treat them aggressively (staying in the U.S. for longer) or to let t...